5 Simple Tips When Communicating to a person with Alzheimers/Memory Loss

When relating to a person with Alzheimer’s, there are many guidelines to follow. The important thing to remember is that the facts are not as important as their feelings. I’m going to discuss five of the most basic things to remember here: 1) Don’t tell them they are wrong about something, 2) Don’t argue with them, 3) Don’t ask if they remember something, 4) Don’t remind them that their spouse, parent or other loved one is dead, and 5) Don’t bring up topics that may upset them.

Before we discuss those 5 important things to remember when communicating with someone with Alzheimers, please check out our video from our You Tube channel, “Helpful Tips In Communicating with Older Adults with Dementia.”

Don’t Tell Them They’re Wrong About Something: To let the person save face, it’s best not to contradict or correct them if they say something wrong. There’s no good reason to do that. If they’re alert enough, they’ll realize they made a mistake and feel bad about it. Even if they don’t understand their error, correcting them may embarrass or be otherwise unpleasant for them.

Don’t Argue With the Person: It’s never a good idea to argue with a person who has dementia. First of all, you can’t win. And second, it will probably upset them or even make them angry. I learned a long time ago, when caring for my beloved Romanian soul mate, Ed, the best thing to do is simply change the subject — preferably to something pleasant that will immediately catch their attention. That way, they’ll likely forget all about the disagreement.

Don’t Ask if They Remember Something: When talking with a person who has Alzheimer’s, it’s so tempting to ask them if they remember some person or event. “What did you have for lunch?” “What did you do this morning?” “Do you remember that we had candy bars when I visited last week?” “This is David. Do you remember him?” Of course they don’t remember. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have a diagnosis of dementia. It could embarrass or frustrate them if they don’t remember. It’s better to say, “I remember that we had candy the last time I was here. It was delicious.”

Don’t Remind the Person that a Loved One Is Dead: It’s not uncommon for people with dementia to believe their deceased spouse, parent or other loved one is still alive. They may be confused or feel hurt that the person doesn’t come to visit. If you inform them that the person is dead, they might not believe it and become angry with you. If they do believe you they’ll probably be very upset by the news. What’s more, they’re likely to soon forget what you said and go back to believing their loved one is still alive. An exception to this guideline is if they ask you if the person is gone. Then it’s wise to give them an honest answer, even if they will soon forget it, and then go on to some other topic.

Don’t Bring up Other Topics That May Upset Them: There’s no reason to bring up topics you know may upset your loved one. If you don’t see eye-to eye on politics, for example, don’t even bring it up. It may just kindle an argument, which goes again the second guideline above. You won’t prevail and it’s just likely to cause them anger and/or frustration.

A few guidelines for visiting and interacting with someone with Alzheimer’s and Memory Loss. I hope these will be helpful to you in visiting your loved one and enriching the time you have together.

To schedule a free in-home consultation to discuss how Touching Hearts at Home can provide support to you or your loved one, please call us at 715-245-1944 or send us an quick and easy inquiry via our website.

Touching Hearts at Home proudly provides home care services to the following areas, the counties of St. Croix, Pierce, Dunn, Polk, Barron and Eau Claire. We are actively providing Home Health Care, Companionship, Respite and memory care in Hudson, River Falls, New Richmond, Baldwin, Menomonie, and approximately 30 mile radius of these areas.